Who, Which, or That? Relative Pronouns Made Simple for Talk

Priya Sharma

Priya Sharma writes English learning guides for ESL students. Pune-based language enthusiast.

Visual representation of the voice · not a photographic portrait

Quick answer: Use who for people, which for things, and that for people or things when the information is necessary. Use whose for ownership and whom mainly in formal English after a preposition. In everyday speech, who and that are correct most of the time.↗ Share on X

Use who for people, which for things and animals, and that for either people or things when the extra information is necessary to know who or what you mean. Use whose to show that something belongs to someone, and whom only in formal English, usually after a preposition like "to" or "with." If you remember just one rule, remember this: in everyday conversation, that and who will be correct most of the time.

A relative pronoun is a small word that connects two ideas about the same person or thing. Instead of saying "I have a friend. My friend lives in Chicago," you say "I have a friend who lives in Chicago." Below you will learn each pronoun, the mistakes learners make most often, and simple practice you can do today.

What are the five relative pronouns in English?

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Here are the five main relative pronouns and when to use each one.

Some teachers also include where (for places) and when (for times), as in "the café where we met" and "the day when I started my job." They work the same way, and you will hear them often.

When should I use "who" and when should I use "that" for people?

Both are correct for people in most sentences.

• The teacher who helped me is retiring.
• The teacher that helped me is retiring.

Native speakers use both. "Who" sounds a little more polite and careful, so it is a safe choice in work emails and interviews. "That" is very common in relaxed speech.

There is one place where you should not use "that": after a comma. We will explain commas in the next section, but for now remember:

• ✅ My sister, who lives in Texas, is visiting.
• ❌ My sister, that lives in Texas, is visiting.

What is the difference between "which" and "that"?

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This is the question learners ask most. The answer depends on one thing: is the information necessary?

Necessary information (no commas). If you remove it, the listener does not know which thing you mean. Use that (or "which," especially in British English).

• The car that is parked outside is mine.

There may be many cars. "That is parked outside" tells you which one. You need it.

Extra information (with commas). The listener already knows which thing you mean. The extra part is a bonus detail. Use which, never "that."

• My car, which is parked outside, is very old.

You only have one car. "Which is parked outside" is just an extra fact. You could remove it and the sentence still makes sense: "My car is very old."

A quick test: if you can put the words between commas and the sentence still works without them, use "which." If the words are needed, use "that."

In speech, you cannot see commas, but you can hear them. People make a small pause before and after extra information. Try saying both example sentences out loud and notice the pauses.

Do people still use "whom" in everyday English?

Yes, but much less than "who." In normal conversation, most people say:

• The guy who I met at the party was funny.

Formally, the correct word is "whom," because "I" am the one doing the meeting, and the guy receives the action:

• The guy whom I met at the party was funny.

Both are understood. In daily speech, "who" (or "that," or even no pronoun at all) sounds more natural. "Whom" can sound stiff in a casual chat.

Where "whom" is still expected:

• Right after a preposition: "To whom should I send this?" "The person with whom I work."
• Formal writing: cover letters, official emails, academic papers.

A simple trick: if you can answer the question with "him," the formal word is "whom." (*Who did you meet? I met him.* → whom.) If the answer is "he," use "who." (*Who called? He called.* → who.) Both "whom" and "him" end in M.

When can I leave the relative pronoun out?

Native speakers drop the pronoun very often. This confuses many learners because they think something is missing.

You can drop who, whom, that, or which when the pronoun is the object of the verb, meaning someone else is doing the action.

• The book (that) I'm reading is great. → The book I'm reading is great.
• The people (who) we met were friendly. → The people we met were friendly.

You cannot drop it when the pronoun is the subject, meaning it does the action itself.

• ✅ The man who lives next door is a doctor.
• ❌ The man lives next door is a doctor.

The test: look at the words right after the pronoun. If a new person or noun comes next ("I," "we," "my boss"), you can drop the pronoun. If a verb comes next ("lives," "called," "is"), you must keep it.

What are the most common mistakes with relative pronouns?

Here are the errors English teachers see again and again, with the fix for each.

1. Using "which" for people.

❌ The doctor which I saw was great.

✅ The doctor who (or that) I saw was great.

2. Using "what" as a relative pronoun.

❌ The house what I bought is small.

✅ The house that I bought is small.

"What" means "the thing that," so it only works alone: "What I want is coffee."

3. Adding an extra pronoun.

❌ The song that I like it is on the radio.

✅ The song that I like is on the radio.

The relative pronoun already stands for "the song," so you do not repeat "it."

4. Mixing up "whose" and "who's."

"Whose" shows ownership: "the man whose dog barks."

"Who's" means "who is" or "who has": "Who's coming tonight?"

Say the sentence with "who is." If it makes sense, write "who's."

5. Using "that" after a comma.

❌ Paris, that is the capital of France, is beautiful.

✅ Paris, which is the capital of France, is beautiful.

6. Forgetting commas with names and unique things.

People and places with a name are already clear, so extra information about them always takes commas and "who" or "which."

✅ My mother, who is a nurse, works nights.

How can I practice relative pronouns in real conversations?

Rules help, but you learn by using the words. Here are four short exercises you can do in 10 minutes a day.

1. Combine two sentences. Write five pairs of short sentences about your life, then join them.

*I have a neighbor. She grows tomatoes.* → *I have a neighbor who grows tomatoes.*

2. Describe objects in your room. Pick three things and say one sentence about each out loud.

*This is the mug that my son gave me.* *This is the chair which I never sit in.*

3. Play "Who am I thinking of?" With a friend or study partner, describe a famous person or a family member using relative clauses.

*It's a person who sings and whose songs are about love.*

4. Listen and notice. When you watch a show or listen to a podcast, write down every sentence you hear with who, which, that, or whose. Notice when the speaker drops the pronoun completely.

Try to use at least two relative clauses the next time you talk about your job or your family. For example: *"I work for a company that makes furniture. My manager, who started there 20 years ago, is very patient."*

Your next step

Take a piece of paper and write six sentences about people and things in your life: two with who, two with that, one with which and commas, and one with whose. Read them out loud, pausing at the commas. Then check each sentence against the mistakes list above. When all six are correct, say them again without looking. That small habit, repeated for a week, will make these words feel natural in your conversations.

FAQ

Can I use 'that' for people?

Yes. 'The teacher that helped me' is correct and common in speech. 'Who' sounds slightly more careful. Never use 'that' after a comma.

What is the difference between 'which' and 'that'?

Use 'that' for necessary information with no commas. Use 'which' for extra information between commas, such as 'My car, which is old, still runs.'

When can I leave out the relative pronoun?

When a new subject comes right after it, as in 'The book (that) I'm reading.' If a verb comes right after it, you must keep it.